1. Eye herpes is a real thing, but I think only in cats. (To set the official record straight, leg rabies is not real. I made that one up.)
2. Dorothy Parker & I have the same birthday.
3. You can mistake a sinus infection for getting old.
4. Thrity Umrigar writes beautiful books.
5. You get as many days to celebrate your birthday as the number of years old you are turning.
6. The best time to get into the walk-in doctor’s office is 3:30 on a Sunday afternoon.
7. The Color Eaters has a last chapter.
8. Turning down the higher paying job for the one that gives you time to write is always the right decision.
9. Funerals can include feather boas and a man in a ball gown.
10. Bourbon cherries need more than twenty-four hours to soak, otherwise they just taste like a shot of bourbon with a sort of smooshy cherry.
11. If someone is on pain pills and muscle relaxers, and you suggest a trip to the kitten store, they will likely come home with a kitten.
12. The arboretum on 151st street is absolutely beautiful, even if you don’t like nature.
13. The best way to win a long eyelash contest is by blinking rapidly for one minute, as blinking will make your lashes grow.
14. Just because you got your ears pierced, it does not mean you were kidnapped by pirates.
15. When a six-year-old challenges you to a “drinking game”, their definition of “drinking game” is very different than the one I am familiar with.
16. You cannot count on a six-year old’s father to shut down “drinking games” as he will gladly pour the grape kool-aid into the largest cups possible.
17. When things are seeming a little too rough, Grandma may say “Sometimes a bourbon and sweet soda helps.”
18. Reading other writer’s very beautiful and excellent books can be both delightful and discouraging, all at the same time.
19. Itzhak Perlman drives a scooter and is a very engaging speaker.
20. Roasted chic peas kick ass.
21. Re-organizing your closet can be the best birthday present to yourself. Ever.
22. This is not how you are supposed to drink milk, and will ALWAYS make me smile, regardless of how crappy my day has been.